As I sit here on this peaceful, quiet and frosty Saturday afternoon, I’m getting jittery with excitement and anticipation for all the things to look forward to this year. Mark and I are going into our fifth year of marriage which we celebrate on the 18th of January. This will also be the year that we will start having children and start looking for a fresh start in a more affordable city to afford said child (No, this is not another Pembroke! Heavens no.) It will be a year to experience many new things and also one of research and planning. Let’s face it, my biological clock is ticking loudly and relentlessly. I just turned 30 a couple of months ago and boy, was it a wake-up call. How am I now in my 30’s?
Beautiful Wreck Beach in Vancouver, March 2017
Instead of focusing on writing about the standard fare of New Years Resolutions such as eating less carbs and working out more, I thought I’d focus more on the emotional side of things with this blog. I’d like to swap out the meat and potatoes for the really healthy stuff such as the qualities and traits I’d like to have and use more of. I’d also like to focus on the negative traits that I’d like to work on. It’s very uncommon for people to focus on less superficial things such as being more kind, showing more love for your family and friends and being grateful for what you have. What can I say? We live in a mostly shallow and materialistic world and I’d like to change that with my own actions.
Another cold snap earlier this month. Am I deliberately placing photos between paragraphs in order to engage my reader? Yes, yes I am.
Show and express your love for family and friends
I’m an extremely empathetic and loving person but I don’t exactly wear my heart on my sleeve. I’d say I probably wear my heart somewhere underneath that black and white sweater I like to lounge at home in: not deep in the depths of my soul, but just underneath the surface of where it should be showing itself. It rests and retreats to where it’s hard to get to and reach out to my loved ones. I’ve never been a huggy person and am one of those pathetic one-armed hug types who just rush in to get it over with. I was raised by phenomenal parents who sacrificed almost everything for my brother and I. They showed me what true love is and how to use it. Since I don’t see them that often I always make a point to hug them and tell them I love them. Due to my introverted and quiet nature, it’s hard for me to show affection toward others besides my husband, parents and brother. I need to hug more, smile more and help other people whenever I am able.
Miwate light show at Chaudiere Falls this past November.
Have less anger
While my fierce love for my husband and family may show my compassionate nature, it also brings out a short temper that’s sometimes hard to diffuse. I’m not exactly physically destructive but it sends me into rants filled with F bombs and C words. Don’t worry, it’s never directed towards my husband, just other idiotic people. When you hurt someone I love, you hurt me. That’s how it works. I turn into a goddamn mama grizzly bear and lash the fuck out at you. You do not hurt my loved ones and get away with it. I won’t hit you but you will hear or see a mouthful of my poison, in person or in writing. And I am a professional at writing nasty letters. This gets particularly worse when my menstrual(we’re not in Trump’s America, I am allowed to use a probably soon-to -be banned lady word) hormones are raging. I might not show my anger at work and appear stoic most of the time, but I still have more anger than I would like and need to work on suppressing it.
Our growing family: Mark, Rosie (white/gray cat) and Emma(black and white kitten)
Don’t take things personally
Apparently something as frivolous and petty as the business of organizing a family dinner can be as dramatic and life-threatening as the Allied invasion of Normandy on D-Day. Asparagus or brussels sprouts? No one can decide! If you don’t respond with your date of availability in 24 hours time, there will be blood! Yes, a simple meal can cause you to be disowned. Just my indirect association with this ridiculous incident caused me great anger and stress. No one deserves that. I have to learn to let things go and not let them eat me up inside. My many years of experience of working with seniors with dementia has allowed me to not get bothered too much by things they sometimes say. Unfortunately, I find it hard when someone I love is being attacked. I’m working on this in general and hope to improve on it in 2018.
Sometimes it’s just time to put a wall up around these people and say fuck off and goodbye. Some people aren’t worth the time or energy. I have to work on letting go of the anger and pain. Meditate into a trance and let the negativity flow out of me as the sage burns.
This will be a year without hatred, judgement, pettiness, drama, anger and selfishness. I’m just going to let all that negativity burn away and turn to dust.
Bring on the love, hope, positivity, kindness and patience.
Happy New Year to you all!